"WERE YOU THERE...?"
((AGE OF AQUARIUS: NEURO DIVERGENCE AS NEURO EVOLUTION)))
Don't talk to me about the real world
The clock that punctures my son's rib cage each morning
The borders of inflexibility, conformity, "rigor. "
Don't talk to me about academics
The buzzing A B C s
He knows them already.
And so many things.
"There's a... place for us..."
I'm so tired of going
against the grain
Human meat suits hooks
hanging in resistance
The buck strung
stops here.
And what is this "real world?"
"You have to teach them how to function in the real world..."
"Yes but this is the real world..."
What if neurodivergence is just neuro evolution?
What if
the expansion of this
consumerist
capitalist
patriarchal
paradigm has reached it's peak well past it's spoil prime has reached
it's potential man must conquer
man, man
just eroding
molding falling
apart
Nature
the Universe
the dawning of the age of Aquarius
Expansion of the machine
the technology that
works for me
works for you
works for us
and never the other way around.
it means
the dawning of the collective
it means
the deepening of circuits and wires in ye old cranium
human computer
We are aliens
We are human
Let it be
The body keeps stopping me
Each time I try
to fit him
me
in this shape
this energy
of "the real world"
Somewhere
deep
there is a child
who is saying NO MORE
little matilda
brain power
stubborn genius
body
heart
and soul stuck
The buck strung
stops here.
I cannot
will not
move
another step
in this
direction.
Rewire wildly
Laugh at the crumbling walls
Fumble in the dust
The king and the castle are no more
And now we're left to pick up the pieces
squeeze together
this new infinite puzzle:
I am Human
I am Free
I am You
I am Me
++++++++++++++++++++++++++
I am a Mother of a neurodivergent child.
I am a neurodivergent parent, artist
just recently diagnosed with ADHD in adulthood.
This has been an interesting thing to process.
I am inspired by a comment my Shamanic Coach offered...
NO I WILL NOT BE PLAYING THE SONG: MENTIONING THE UNMENTIONABLE IN PATTI SMITH'S EASTER
I want to be very clear about something regarding my performance coming up -
Patti Smith's album EASTER 4/9/23 at @recordbar Kansas City.
NO. I WILL NOT BE PERFORMING THE SONG.
For those who are familiar with the album EASTER you know the song I mean.
We will be omitting this song WITH INTENTION during our performance.
What I mean by that is I will be drawing attention to its absence, and in its stead submit a new piece of work created by myself, SHE SPEAKS IN TONGUES, yet in the spirit of Patti Smith. Patti the punk, Patti the poet, Patti the truth teller. This is what felt most natural to me. SHE SPEAKS IN TONGUES was created in large part to repurpose existing material, draw attention to issues and tension contained inside of it and our nostalgia for it, and submit a new narrative.
I believe it is my responsibility as an artist and a white person IN this society to not just skirt around this, but to be explicit about my feelings and thoughts here. And to properly prepare my audience so they know what to expect for my performance as far as this song is concerned.
I think it's a great opportunity to draw attention to it and address it, rather than just shrink and be silent.
So here are my thoughts:
I think I understand Patti's intent with this song. As a woman of the word, language, the book...as a punk, poet, as an artist...She wanted to reclaim the word's original meaning/definition. She wanted to reclaim this word as a word of power. She wanted to reject form, norms, names, labels. She wanted to celebrate the rejects, the weirdos, the artist.
Here's the problem:
As a white person, she has absolutely no right to do that.
It's a great example of white privilege tunnel vision.
Of operating like all things belong to you (white person) and can be molded, appropriated, reinvented towards your purposes and intentions.
You just can't Patti.
That word, as we all know is loaded with meaning. Not just from the dictionary, or existing in some void. Its meaning is also created from CONTEXT. HISTORY. Here on the ground. INSIDE of society.
Out of how it WAS and IS used to perpetuate harm, hate, and assume power over people of color. Period.
SPECIFICALLY, kidnapped black Africans and their lineage of children in the so called United States.
You want to be Free? You want to be "outside of society?
How nice for you.
People of color don't have that privilege.
Patti has omitted this song from Spotify, Apple iTunes...but as far as I can see she has not spoken about why. She nor Lennie Kay have drawn attention to it, acknowledged it's harm, the mistake.
This is a problem.
So since Patti hasn't said I'll say it:
Her choice to repurpose that word, or at least attempt to, however well intentioned and meant to be a form of commradery and punk advocacy was misguided at least, and harmful at worst. Her continued silence on the subject perhaps is even more harmful. Omission without aknowledgement is not pulling the knife completely. It would be great if she would offer a word. Hold the harm and complexity with us.
I absolutely adore Patti Smith. I look up to her and her work a great deal. She truly is one of my heroes. Not just her music, but her writing, her point of view, her being. I could listen to Patti talk all day. I wouldn't arrange to perform one of her albums live on stage if I didn't believe in this body of work and it's beautiful themes of life, death, resurrection and rebirth.
But this is a great opportunity to remember to hold the complexity and embrace the tension. I can love Patti Smith AND still not like the fact that she made this move in her art, AND has yet to talk about it. I can draw attention to it. I can present her work through a fresh lens on stage and still challenge it's authority. That's the punk way. That's the SHE SPEAKS way Alive and attuned to the present moment, I evolve. I shake my fist. I embrace. I throw it down. I listen. I speak up.
I hope, especially if you're white, you will do the same. Kill your idols and hold them dear, and know when to walk away completely. Speak up.
See you Easter Sunday.....
CAPRICORN SEASON: please move slowly
Where am I creating more work for myself?
I feel my energy zipping out of me like a winged dragon
Calling her back
Zipping back up
Feeling where I can loosen, smooth, flow
the grip, the trip, the tighten.
Resourceful, steady work horse
I don't mind working hard
But I'm so tired of the labor.
I have a certain genius that can tweak this
Smooth out my process.
Working hard doesn't have to be hard.
Perfection is a myth.
Good enough is good.
What wonders am I blocking because I'm not even willing to try?
Where can I rest into a sense of safety
to take risks?
Putting myself out there
with softness
Middle ground expectations
Not always slow but certainly
steady
(((JANUARY)))
Just a friendly reminder
That
there are powers
that live Now
in this time
of January
that want to encourage
you to Cleanse.
NAH.
(nah nah nah NAH.)
or rather
claim your own version
of it.
Rest
Recoil
Hide
but never shame.
Also
some of us don't drink.
Be kind.
and recognize
the courage.
Sweet recumbence.
It is victory.
NAH
nah nah NAH
NAH.
Blllllllllllllllllllllluuuuuthhhhh
(((DWELLING IN THE POSSIBILITIES))) = 7 + 9 + CHARIOT SEASON + HERMIT =
When I ponder my dreams
dwell on the possibilities
I am swimming.
There isn't much judgement here.
I am surprised by the absence of certain outcomes, certain veins of possible passage...
Does the Practical have a place in the Realm of Dreams?
Are they inseperable? Are they one or the other?
I am surprised by the lifetimes that come up
Take a pen
and write the different paths.
"In another life I..."
Seeing what surfaces
is interesting.
I can allow myself to dream.
This is good work.
I can see how far I've come.
I can be surprised by what shells I want to crack open
Outgrown, overgrown
Surprised
by what now calls to me
on this next rocket launch.
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
Special Notes:
2 + 0 + 2 + 3 = 7
The energy of 7 is what we can expect of 2023.
7's for me involve fruition with a background of hard work and still working towards flow, prosperity.
7 is possibility. Give yourself permission to dream.
7 is luck. 7 is tension in the journey of our calling.
The Chariot is the 7th card of the Tarot in the journey of the Fool, in the Major Arcana.
THE CHARIOT can be about trusting all that we've learned up to this point in our journey and setting off on a kind of rocket launch to another dimension. It is the fuel and the fire and the fully stocked vehicle. We are ready. We have everything we need to succeed. While our journey ahead may be outer space to our Earth, we are kissing our talisman, our photo of our wife and kids, and setting off with a blend of appropriate training and confidence and... naivete. It's okay. We don't have to worry too much. This can be a thrilling experience. A boost of confidence to launch us to the next line. We can trust we have what we need, and that we will gain more tools ahead, if not with some experiences that will test our grit. The key is to KNOW WHO YOU ARE from within, and to keep that inner flesh soft and lit. We got this.
(((MEDITATION: FULL MOON in DECEMBER)))
What if I just let this go
Forgiveness
can fall
like
snow
What if I just let this wash
the little things
Needling
I found my Peace.
And that is worth protecting
Silence is
so
I've got these little memos
on my sleeve
I need to let them
Leaves
I can know the weather so
I can prepare:
This will be
intense
So
What if I just know
that
and know and know
Snow
THIRTY NINE AND FEELIN' FINE
I don't know if I'm important
but
I will always be
brimming with fire
and electric
thirty nine
thirty
nine
thirty nine and
feeling
fine
++++++++++++++++++++++++
This year I am inspired. Inspired to clear climb new peaks. Reinvent and revisit old forms. Reignite them with love and affection. Poetry, painting, photography call to me... getting weird, getting specific. Acting. Dance. Old skool. Brushing up for the pearls of my forties. I like my face. I like me. Film. It's all just...being yourself and not giving a shit
This year is Curious. Follow the joy. Pleasure. FUN.
(((MEDITATION FOR THE CREATIVE VOID)))
I follow my curiosity.
she is soft
like cat she comes
those
little idiosyncratic magic
gestures
Only she
comes
to me.
Lately
I haven't even known where she is anymore
gently
waiting for her to pop
out and take notice I
long for childlike beginner's
mind
the luxury of learning
something new without shame the
plague
of being
Adult.
I think I will be doing some very new things soon
disappear into animal an an anima an
anonymity
Learn something new
new craft
Spindle weaving
I don't know.
But I'm changing
I've changed.
And I don't know what the new work
will be.
SERMON TO CAPITALISM POST PANDEMIC + MEDITATION for MARS IN RETROGRADE meets SCORPIO SEASON
OK. THE JIG IS UP
I don't wanna be your salesperson.
I don't wanna sell what you got.
I don't wanna werk my way up.
I don't want to meet the quota.
I don't want to pretend this is my life.
I don't want to grip with urgency.
I don't want to perform.
I don't want to step on others.
I don't want to grip the carrot
in my teeth.
I don't want to fill up on scraps.
I don't want to play the game
I won't dance the dance and
"NO.
I said NO.
And from now on..."
Gun gripped
"it's gunna be different..." the genie won't
be put back in the bottle.
swish
bang
blow.
HOW CAN MY ART MAKING BE MORE PLEASURABLE? : MEDITATION for SCORPIO/ECLIPSE SEASON
HOW CAN MY ART MAKING BE MORE PLEASURABLE?
More soft
and comfy
It doesn't have to be hard.
So why does it?
Tightness
Gripping
Force
Pretend
Perform
These are becoming less interesting
to me
less possible.
I just want to be
softly brimming
with possibility
Receiving
possibility
receiving
something
yummy
most every time.
It is my right.
Making room for gestation this time.
Pleasure
Hanging in suspension
doesn't have to be pain.
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
MEDITATION 4
((((SCORPIO/ECLIPSE SEASON))))
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
WHITE SUPREMACY IS THE AIR WE BREATHE
and until I
see
that
believe
that
accept
that
I cannot
change
that.
In response to and solidarity with Mykele Deville
and his statement about The Hideout, Chicago IL
In response to my
and white people's complicity in performative anti racism
in the arts and
Pervasive in our venues, "institutions"
Corporations
Existing without question
accountability
nor willingness to actually change
To see
To do the work
And belaboring BIPOC folx
to "fix" solve organize while
They (said White
folx, artists, institutions, spaces)
receive gratuity and
appearances
of Revolution.
And me
and you white
artists
did I
Ask
Always
Who pulls the strings
and creep
Deeper past
the curtain Peel
back the layers
Residue.
Calcification
of white salt.
Scratch
at it with my nails bleed deep it's
In my eyes.
Bloody sockets I pulled
out
Out
Out
spotlight.
I surrender its glare.
"And this one goes out to The Hideout ...!"
Remember?
"BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!!!"
"BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!!!"
"BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!!!"
"BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!!!"
"BLACK LIVES MATTER!!!!!!"
I shake it out with a fist spray
paint it on the wall just like that epithet until
I realize
my hands are red.